My dad gets ready for Christmas gift-giving with the organization and precision of a spreadsheet. Literally. Over the years, I’ve stolen only a few furtive glances at his Christmas Excel: row upon row of cells, dutifully tracking the date ordered, date arriving, wrapping status, and more. Most importantly, each gift is individually numbered to aid Christmas morning identification.
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Many years ago, it became my responsibility to hand out the presents for successive rounds of unwrapping. Occasionally, before I can hand the gift over to the eager recipient, Dad will call out, “Waaaait…” He squints down his nose at the tiny table on his phone. “Nope, she needs to open 43 before 17.” Back I go to the pile, and now it is my turn to squint, seeking a tiny numeral artfully hidden in the corner of the wrapping.
I love how these moments display Dad’s love for his children and grandchildren, shown in hours of meticulous planning, ordering, and wrapping. His affection is very methodical—a very masculine approach to gift-giving.
Every father delights in giving good gifts to their children, creating lasting memories for their family, building enduring traditions that can be handed down to future generations. These desires reflect the goodness of our heavenly Father. Christmas is an opportunity for earthly fathers to reflect the heavenly Father, not just in our gift-giving, but in all we do.
FATHER CHRISTMAS
Dads, how can we father Christmas? How can we reflect the generosity, care, attention, and affection that our heavenly Father has shown to us? This Advent season, we have responsibilities and opportunities that extend far beyond putting together new toys on Christmas Eve. Rather, we are called to lead our families in worshipping and pleasing the Lord in our homes at the holidays.
There are at least three ways we can father Christmas: joy, gratitude, and sacrifice. It’s worth noting that these are categories of godly leadership. If we set an example and then wisely lead our families into these character qualities, we will be able to see the transforming effects in every aspect of family life. We neglect these qualities to our family’s peril, making the holiday a trial rather than a treat.
Take these three qualities as a starter list. Every dad needs a personal list for fathering Christmas. How can you lead in a way that guards against your temptations, encourages your wife as she makes a memorable Christmas, and helps your children to grow in their knowledge and love for Christ? I’d encourage you to make your own “Father Christmas List” and then ask your wife what she might add or change.
JOY
Joy is the first and most obvious way that dads can father Christmas. The word “joy” is everywhere at Christmas: covering the cards that cover the fridge, crooned by bands that cover classic carols, bursting from banners that cover the walls of your local coffee shop. Despite these ever-present reminders, joy is often elusive in the holidays.
There are always obstacles to joy during every season of the year, but these temptations can sometimes be heightened at Christmas. The potential causes for a lack of joy can be very personalized: one dad might be tempted to brood over the approaching family gathering which is annually unpleasant. Another is anxious about looming budget cuts at work: he can’t let go of the fear that he will be let go. Another grows cranky for reasons he knows not why: it’s the accumulation of decorating and parties and shopping and wrapping: aren’t the holidays for rest?
But one of the most important ways we can father Christmas is to give the gift of joy. It is surprising how many times Christians are commanded to rejoice in the Bible (e.g., 2 Cor. 13:11; Phil. 2:18, 3:1, 4:4; 1 Thess. 5:16; 1 Peter 4:13, and we’ve only just begun). If that’s true, then to be less than joyful—sullen, irritable, withdrawn—is disobedience. We’re called to obey with our emotions.
While these commands to rejoice include our internal experience of joy, we also father Christmas when we model external expressions of joy. No one needs to adopt a false persona here: every dad should express joy in ways that are consistent with the personality that God has given him.
But if you are not experiencing and expressing joy, ask yourself: why not? Do you have a holiday-heightened anxiety that you need to commit to the Lord? Have you developed habits of holiday selfishness that you need to repent of? Do you need to spend some time meditating on the miracle of the incarnation and stirring up the kind of wonder that conquers holiday complacency? If you aren’t sure, ask your wife; she almost certainly has insight for you and you can also husband Christmas by doing this for her!
As we grow in experiencing and expressing joy, it will overflow in gratitude.
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GRATITUDE
Is there a time of year that could be more natural for us to be grateful than Christmas? Well, sure: we have another holiday that is actually called Thanksgiving and at Easter, we do well to thank God for the gift of the death and resurrection of his Son. But is there another time of year when so many people are doing so much for others? We father Christmas when we experience and express gratitude.
Dads, we need to model gratitude for our children. Our kids are prone to many of the same temptations as us (1 Cor 10:13), but it takes many years for young ones to learn that the path to joy often runs through thankfulness to others. It takes many years for old ones to learn this, too.
We can father Christmas by activating the gratitude radar: being alert in every moment for opportunities to express gratitude and then taking the initiative to express gratitude for every act of service and sacrifice by others, beginning with your wife.
There are so many ways that others are serving and sacrificing at Christmas that I doubt an hour goes by without the opportunity to thank someone for cooking, traveling, hospitality, or a gift.
Dads, we father Christmas when we lead in gratitude. We all know the cringe that comes from watching an ungrateful child ignore or despise a gift-giver. Perhaps you’ve given that apologetic shrug to a grandparent on behalf of your child. But rare is the child who exceeds his or her parents’ gratitude. Let’s father Christmas, teaching our children to be grateful by showing them how to be grateful.
SERVANTHOOD
Stereotypes stick—and sting—because they are true in enough ways and in enough people that we recognize ourselves and don’t care much for the image. There are plenty of painful stereotypes of selfishness around the holidays. Of course, there is a time for rest and I enjoy watching a game or taking a nap as much as the next guy. But is that scene a stereotype because in our lives it is more often true than not?
Just as our Lord came “not to be served, but to serve,” we can father Christmas when we lead in creating a culture of sacrifice for others.
Now, I know firsthand that there are plenty of times that the best way I can serve my wife is to stay out of the way, but there is a massive difference between the posture of alertness and initiative that marks the sacrificial and the lethargy and laziness that marks the selfish.
Test yourself here. What is the first thought in your mind (and the first thing out of your mouth) when your wife asks you to take out the overflowing trash (Why did you let it get so full?), run to the store for that missing ingredient (Do you have any idea how long the lines are?), or bring in some firewood (Don’t you know how cold it is? And my team has the ball!).
We can father Christmas when we seize these moments to sacrifice and we father Christmas even more when we are not just available but initiating. Alert and available, we father Christmas when we take the initiative to lead in sacrificing at every level. Imagine the effect on your wife and family if you asked her this question: What are some ways I can lead our family in sacrifice this December?
CONCLUSION
Fathering Christmas is more than creating a checklist of Christmas virtues. By the grace of God, we create a culture in our family and in our churches, a culture that tangibly and specifically demonstrates ways that we have been transformed by the gospel. We father Christmas when we live with joy, gratitude, and servanthood. We father Christmas when we remember that Christ came to be born so that he might die, and that “he died for all that those who live might no longer live for themselves but for him who for their sake died and was raised.” When we live for Christ, who was born, died, and raised for our sake, then we will be those who father Christmas.